Archive for the Death Sentences Category

Too long between drinks…

Posted in Death Sentences on August 9, 2010 by Tonk

Hi Knight-sters!

Sorry, it’s been far too long between blog posts. I dunno what went wrong…just kinda lost track of the whole blogging scene. I’ve been slack and that’s reprehensible! Not the sort of behaviour one would expect from a Dark Lord.

Ah well, stuff it. I’m here now and I’ll do my best to get the Knights’ Blog back on track.

So there’s not too much to report on the SUBURBAN KNIGHTS front. We’re constantly getting asked: “So when’s Episode 3 coming out?” To which I often reply: “Piss off and mind your own business!”. Which admittedly, is a bit harsh. But then again, I am a Sith, so you’d expect that kinda response from an evil bastard. Right?

The bottom line is, Episode 3 may or may not happen. It’s a sad fact I know. An outline does exist for what we want to do in Episode 3 but if and when it gets made depends on a great deal of variables; the main one being: “do I want to spend another year rotoscoping lightsabers after work?”. And while I admit that the idea of that is not too bad, it’s more a case of “do I want to dedicate time and resources to something derived (which SK is) or something more original?” To be totally honest, it’s more likely the latter.

Here at the SK Citadel, we have a number of, what we think, are really cool ideas for some short films and with any luck, we’ll get stuck into a few of those over the next 12 months. As I’ve said many times on this blog (when I actually get around to posting) making films is hard. And making non-funded short films is even harder. You gotta pull in a lot of favours, you run the risk of sending yourself broke and you become rather myopic in your world view. Other things, such as family, can get ignored. And at the moment, that’s not something we want to see happen.

SUBURBAN KNIGHTS has been really well received and we’re very thankful for that. We’d like to see it continue in some form, whether as another short film, an animation, or as some kinda video-blog. We really don’t know at this point. But in the meantime, keep the faith! The Knights are still around and still active, protecting the ‘hood from wankers and pretentious douche-bags. Hopefully you’ll see us turn up on the web or community TV sometime soon.



Bad Blogger

Posted in Death Sentences on December 16, 2009 by Tonk

Yeah I know its been ages since this blog’s seen any action. What can I say? I’m a bad blogger. But shit, I’m not gonna post here just for the sake of it…but hang on, isn’t that exactly what I’m doing now? Damn, what a freakin’ hypocrite.

Anyways, I thought it best just touch base and ensure all the loyal SK fans that just because EPISODE 2 is in the can, it doesn’t mean that the Knights have gone away! But the reality is that news on the Knights and other crap what we find interesting is pretty slow at the moment. We’re taking a well earned rest for the coupla months, there’s next to no news on the Green Lantern film which we have been following closely and the whole Star Wars scene is eerily quiet at the moment with the exception of The Clone Wars Series 2 which Australia is still yet to cast eyes upon.

In the meantime, thanks again to all who have supported the Knights over the last year. 2010 will be sure to see some new material emanate from the halls of the Citadel so stay tuned!

Debunking new Star Wars Trilogy rumours

Posted in Death Sentences on October 23, 2009 by Tonk

Indulge me a little while I delve into the deepest depths of my knowledge of Star Wars history…

There’s been a rumour floating around Cyberspace for the last week or so regarding a new trilogy of Star Wars films allegedly being planned by King George. What’s more, these new films are supposedly going to be filmed in 3D! Holy shit!

Now I’m no spokesman for Lucasfilm, but I can tell you right now that these rumours are nothing more than pure horse-shit. And I’m going to try to explain why.

Firstly, it’s worth noting that ever since the release of the first Star Wars in 1977, rumours have been floating around of a mythical 9 film Saga. These rumours were based on loose comments George made back in the late 70s when asked about more Star Wars movies and where he may like to take the Saga in the future. Nothing and I mean NOTHING was ever set in stone. These were vague ideas that George had. The key cast of the original Star Wars signed a 3 picture deal in the hope that ‘A New Hope’ would be successful enough to spawn a sequel or two. But beyond those plans, anything else was just fantasy.

In the early 70s when George was putting down ideas for ‘The Star Wars’ he compiled several treatments on what would happen in the story. Those key plot points eventually went on to form the basis of the Original Trilogy. George knew at this early stage that his ideas for the first film were too ambitious, too massive and too expensive to be viable. So he essentially took the first act and developed it into the screenplay that became ‘Star Wars Episode 4: A New Hope’. If the film proved successful then maybe he could strike a deal to make a sequel and expand on the ideas that would become Acts 2 and 3, or as we know them now, ‘The Empire Strikes Back’ and ‘Return of the Jedi’.

It’s interesting to note that when George wrote the final draft of the first Star Wars film, in his mind Luke and Vader were NOT related. As fas as George was concerned, Vader and Luke’s dad were two separate people. It was only when George started fleshing out ideas for ‘The Empire Strikes Back’ did he hit upon the notion of making Luke’s father and Vader one in the same person.

Cynics often note the scene in ‘The Empire Strikes Back’ in which Leia kisses Luke as gross and incestuous. But when the film was being made, according to George, Luke and Leia were NOT related. And this is where things start to get really interesting and why talk of a new Trilogy just don’t make sense. At this point George still had vague ideas about a trilogy set after ‘Return of the Jedi’. Remember the scene in ‘The Empire Strikes Back’ in which Yoda says: “No, there is another” when alluding to someone else who could destroy Vader? Well that ‘someone else’ was, at the time of writing the script, Luke’s sister. BUT his sister was not Leia.

Here’s how it was going play out: ‘The Empire Strikes Back’ was to establish that Vader was Luke’s father. In Episode 6, Luke was to confront Vader and defeat him. This all happened. BUT, that was not the end of the story. In the proposed Episodes 7-9 Luke was to then set about searching for his long lost sister. The ‘someone else’ that Yoda referred to in ‘The Empire Strikes Back’. This sister was clearly not Leia, making her kissing him, nothing more than an act of emotional manipulation on her behalf.

The early 80s was a busy time for George. Not only was he making the Star Wars Trilogy, he was also writing and producing the first 2 Indiana Jones films. By 1981 was has buggered and he decided to re-think the direction of the Star Wars Saga. This is when he decided to consolidate his ideas and make Leia Luke’s sister. By doing this, he could essentially wrap up Luke’s story with the conclusion of ‘Return of the Jedi’, thereby eliminating the need to continue the story any further. The idea of Luke having a mysterious, previously unseen sibling was scrapped.

Of course this still left the door open for a Prequel Trilogy, which George only decided to make after leaving Star Wars alone for a decade.

Since 2005, George has gone on record on numerous occasions stating that Episode 3: ‘Revenge of the Sith’ is the FINAL Star Wars film. Ever. And that the entire Saga is Darth Vader’s story. With his death in ‘Return of the Jedi’, the story concludes. That’s it. Sure the Expanded Universe stuff has continued the story, but as far as George is concerned, his input into the story finished with the completion of Episode 3.

Lucasfilm are fully focussed on the Star Wars live action TV series now. This is the medium into which George now wants to take Star Wars. He knows TV is the future. The TV series will be set between Episodes 3 and 4 and will not focus on the Skywalker family. It is not a continuation of the story as seen in the movies, more an expansion of ideas alluded to in the 6 films.

I would love to see more Star Wars films. I really would. But i just can’t see it happening. I’d love to see Mark Hamill return to the role of Luke and assume an Obi Wan-type position in a new trilogy. But I’m afraid that that idea, like any idea of Episodes 7-9 ever happening, is nothing more than a fan-boy fantasy.

More Indiana Jones 5 news…

Posted in Death Sentences on September 15, 2009 by Tonk

Ok, so I wrote a brief entry back in June about how I really dig KOTCS and how I’m getting sick of nerds trashing anything Lucas does. Sometimes King George must wonder why he even bothers getting outta bed in the morning.

So anyway, I caught this quote today from Harrison Ford on the Ain’t It Cool News website:

“The story for the new Indiana Jones is in the process of taking form. Steven Spielberg, George Lucas and myself are agreed on what the fifth adventure will concern, and George is actively at work. If the script is good, I’ll be very happy to put the costume on again.”

I got two words to say on this: “FUCK YEAH!”.

I don’t shy away from the fact that KOTCS had its problems. But overall I find it a thoroughly enjoyable piece of escapism and old school fun. Let’s hope Spielberg, George and Ford build on the lessons learnt from KOTCS and deliver another kick arse Indy film in the not too distant future.

And maybe you so-called ‘fans’ can just quit being so freakin’ cynical and remember why you enjoy the Indy films in the first place.


Posted in Death Sentences on July 2, 2009 by Tonk

Ok so I’ve seen Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen twice now. And twice I’ve felt the need to write a review. But you know what? I’m not gonna.

I know what you’re thinking: “Darth, you slack son of a bitch!”. And you’d be right. But the fact of the matter is that just too many reviewers have beaten me to it and probably voiced the opinion that myself and so many others that grew up on Transformers have: that this movie is really pretty shit.

Don’t get me wrong. I quite like the 2007 Transformers film. OK, it’s not a brilliant Transformers movie. But its a fun, good-looking, reasonably well-rounded bit of entertainment. We all know Michael Bay is a total dick, and elements of the 2007 Transformers film just make me wanna slap Bay repeatedly across the head, but its positives generally outweigh its negatives. And for that I give it credit.

But if ever there was evidence that Bay and his cronies should be strung up by the nuts, it is Transformers 2.

The film is an utter mess, from the incoherent narrative to the shockingly mixed soundtrack, the voice acting, the human acting, the direction, the photography, the digital FX. Everything. A total fucking mess.

Writing a review for Transformers 2 is hard. Its hard because there is just so much wrong with it that it’s nearly impossible to know where to begin. So as I said, I’m not going to review it. And I’m going to assume that most of you have already seen it. It’s well on its way to breaking all kinds of box office records. But I’ll guarantee you, this film will nose-dive in its second and third week of release as repeat ticket sales will no doubt drop right off.

So rather that review it, I’m just gonna compile a wish list for Transformers 3:

  • Gimme more robot screen time. The film is called ‘Transformers’ for Christ’s sake! Enough with the lame-arse humans and testicle jokes. And really, how many times can you show dogs humping before it gets a little tired?
  • Enough with the pouty, bent-over hot chicks who are wasting valuable screentime when I could be looking at Transformers involved in an actual plot.
  • Can the Transformers actually have conversations that we can follow? The times in which the Transformers actually converse with one another are too few and when they do its some kinda incoherent mumble mixed with a barrage of mechanical sound effects and using accents that are so over the top that it becomes utterly incomprehensible. OK, so I managed to follow some of the Transformers’ dialogue, but does anyone actually know anything the Doctor said? Who casts this shit?
  • Just write a simple, cohesive story that doesn’t introduce retarded characters like The Fallen into an already richly populated universe. The characters we had from the first movie were fine. Just develop their stories further. Megatron is a great villain. The Fallen is a total waste of mine and everybody else’s time. Please develop the dynamic between Starscream and Megatron. As fans we know these two hate each other. There’s your conflict, bitches! Use it!
  • Reboot the franchise with completely different robot designs. When I say different, I actually mean the designs they had in the first place before Bay and his gang of fucktards got a hold of them. The current designs are just too damn fussy. It gets nearly impossible to define the characters’ outlines in the midst of a battle. The boxy, goofy, boldly coloured designs of G1 Transformers were great. Let’s get back to it!
  • Enough with the tight, 24 frame edits. Pull back from the action a little so we can see what’s happening! The 1986 Transformers Movie dealt with the Constructicons coming together to form Devastator in a much better way than Bay did in Transformers 2. When a 20 year old animated film is doing a better job than a $240M 2009 blockbuster, you know you’re in trouble.
  • Give us Cybertron. This whole notion of Transformers just dropping out of the sky is just too weak. Cybertron would be a great location for future films. Bring it back!
  • Sack Bay.
  • I dunno. I guess that’s enough for now. Please submit some further additions to the list. I gotta lay down. My head hurts.

    Michael Jackson dead…again!

    Posted in Death Sentences on June 26, 2009 by Tonk

    Renown nonce and all-round nut-job Michael Jackson is dead apparently.

    Funny, I thought Jackson died somewhere around 1986 and we’ve just been watching his re-animated corpse dance around for the last 20 odd years. Certainly his ghoulish appearance and broken, zombie-like speech patterns of late would seem to suggest that was the case.

    As students of Popular Culture, it’s probably assumed that we here at the Citadel should be sad to mourn the passing of a so-called icon of Pop. But we’re not. Jackson’s music was rubbish. You can only ride on the success on one good album for so long. And 25 years is too long to ride. And lets face it, Jackson is more famous now for what he did outside the recording studio, rather than in it. You know, things like dangling babies off balconies. The kind of idol behavior we should all look up to…

    As a famous Stormtrooper once said as he stood upon the burning, sun-kissed sands of Tatooine: “Move along. Move along…”

    Indiana Jones 5 becoming reality?

    Posted in Death Sentences on June 19, 2009 by Tonk

    You know, I’m sick of people putting hurt on Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. I really am. It’s one of those films that is fashionable to hate. 10 years ago it was ‘The Phantom Menace’, now it’s KotCS. Fat arse fanboys love nothing more than to fill countless amounts of bandwith bitching about how Lucas and Spielberg raped their childhoods…again! Well I say this to those so called ‘fans’: “Fuck Off!”.

    I really dig KotCS. I watched it again last weekend and really had fun with it. It sits really well within the Indiana Jones suite of films and I put it to those haters out there that they really need to go back and watch the original 3 Indiana Jones films again properly and then maybe they’ll get KotCS.

    Anyway, enough of that. The point is this week both Shia LeBeouf and producer Frank Marshall have let slip that work on Indiana Jones 5 is proceeding. I spoke about this a few months back when nothing official had been stated. But now these comments from associated sources are on public record and I for one am excited. Harrison Ford could easily go another round as Indy, he proved that in KotCS. Let’s hope this pans out and in a couple of years we’ll have another Indy film to look forward to.