Archive for June, 2009

Michael Jackson dead…again!

Posted in Death Sentences on June 26, 2009 by Tonk

Renown nonce and all-round nut-job Michael Jackson is dead apparently.

Funny, I thought Jackson died somewhere around 1986 and we’ve just been watching his re-animated corpse dance around for the last 20 odd years. Certainly his ghoulish appearance and broken, zombie-like speech patterns of late would seem to suggest that was the case.

As students of Popular Culture, it’s probably assumed that we here at the Citadel should be sad to mourn the passing of a so-called icon of Pop. But we’re not. Jackson’s music was rubbish. You can only ride on the success on one good album for so long. And 25 years is too long to ride. And lets face it, Jackson is more famous now for what he did outside the recording studio, rather than in it. You know, things like dangling babies off balconies. The kind of idol behavior we should all look up to…

As a famous Stormtrooper once said as he stood upon the burning, sun-kissed sands of Tatooine: “Move along. Move along…”


SK2: Crypto-Image #15

Posted in News from the SK Citadel on June 24, 2009 by Tonk

Jeez, we ain’t done a Crypto-Image for a while…what a bunch of slack bastards we are. Anyway, get your eyeballs around this:

Be sure to keep checking the SUBURBAN KNIGHTS site for exciting new stuff!

Indiana Jones 5 becoming reality?

Posted in Death Sentences on June 19, 2009 by Tonk

You know, I’m sick of people putting hurt on Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. I really am. It’s one of those films that is fashionable to hate. 10 years ago it was ‘The Phantom Menace’, now it’s KotCS. Fat arse fanboys love nothing more than to fill countless amounts of bandwith bitching about how Lucas and Spielberg raped their childhoods…again! Well I say this to those so called ‘fans’: “Fuck Off!”.

I really dig KotCS. I watched it again last weekend and really had fun with it. It sits really well within the Indiana Jones suite of films and I put it to those haters out there that they really need to go back and watch the original 3 Indiana Jones films again properly and then maybe they’ll get KotCS.

Anyway, enough of that. The point is this week both Shia LeBeouf and producer Frank Marshall have let slip that work on Indiana Jones 5 is proceeding. I spoke about this a few months back when nothing official had been stated. But now these comments from associated sources are on public record and I for one am excited. Harrison Ford could easily go another round as Indy, he proved that in KotCS. Let’s hope this pans out and in a couple of years we’ll have another Indy film to look forward to.

2012 Wankery Begins…

Posted in Death Sentences on June 19, 2009 by Tonk

G’day, Death here. I gotta speak up on this one:

Man, this crap really ticks me off…

Jerk-off Roland Emmerich and Hollywood are cashing in on the 2012 Doomsday paranoia that is flooding the internet quicker than a killer tsunami.

In case you’ve been living in a fall-out shelter for the last few years, you may not be aware that a whole slew of morons out there actually believe the World is gonna end on December 21st, 2012. They base this on the fact that an ancient Mayan Calendar ends on that date (it doesn’t, but that’s a whole different issue, just Google ‘2012 debunked’ to get the full story. Or check out this great transcript). The problem I have (among many) is that none of these fucktards can actually agree on how the World will end. Some of the theories include: Killer Comet, Polar Shift, Climate change, Planet X collision with Earth, Alien Invasion, etc, etc… the list goes on. All of these theories can be debunked in an instant by anyone with any rational thought, however this doesn’t stop plenty of douche-bags out there trying to cash in on all this Apocalyptic Paranoia. And now it seems it’s Hollywood’s turn with the release later this year of the film 2012.

Emmerich is a dick who is incapable of making a decent picture, yet he seems to be Hollywood’s go-to man when it comes to dealing out C-grade trash. Yeah, he’s the cretin responsible for ‘Independence Day’, ‘Godzilla’, ‘The Day After Tomorrow’ and the latest entry into the annuls of High Art, ‘10,000BC’. Seems he’s finally hit the bottom of the barrel with ‘2012’.

I got nothing against studios wanting to make money. Shit, they have to in order to keep pumping out films. But really, must they stoop this low for source material? I just don’t get what good can come of a film like this. a) it will suck. Its Roland Emmerich. b) it will fuel paranoia in those too ignorant to seek out the real truth about 2012 prophecy (ie: it’s a crock of horse shit) and c) it will perpetuate the notion that Hollywood really has run out of ideas and lacks the balls to put something that is truly unique and exciting up on the screen.

Anyway, I’ve ranted enough about this bollocks, go check out the trailer for this year’s wank-fest.

See you all in 2013.

MORE THOUGHTS…: So this whole 2012 Doomsday crud started with some Mayan Calendar, right? Well here’s some things you gotta bare in mind:

  • Firstly the Mayan Calendar doesn’t ‘end’ in 2012. It merely resets just like our Gregorian Calendar does after December 31st. All Mayan scholars agree on this. The issue is that their calendars went for millennia whereas ours are only 365 days long.
  • If the Mayans were such great prophets why did they not foresee their own demise at the hands of the Spanish Conquistadors? Huh?
  • If the Mayans were so clever, knowing all this shit that we don’t, then why didn’t they build nuclear power plants, hover cars and spaceships? Oh yeah, because they were too busy building shit out of stone and wood and over-farming their land while western civilisation moved into the industrial age. Dumb Mayans.
  • SK1: Screening at SHORTS@CRUE

    Posted in News from the SK Citadel on June 17, 2009 by Tonk

    Hey Fans. Yes! Another opportunity to wheel out EPISODE 1: THE RECKONING and inflict it on the unsuspecting short-film crowd.

    If you’re lonely, depressed and looking for a hip crowd to hang out with and take in some Urban Art at the same time, then come down to the Crue Bar in Toorak from 7pm next Thursday June 25th. Details on the monthly SHORTS@CRUE Event can be found here

    So head on down and have a few beers with the Knights. Go on…you know you want to!

    SK2: Post-Production Update 2009 #3

    Posted in News from the SK Citadel on June 3, 2009 by Tonk

    So once again we’re having to apologise for not bringing you SK news more regularly. But the reality is that most spare time is spent putting the finishing touches on EPISODE 2. So in a way, no news is good news as it means SK2 draws ever closer.

    Having said that, our primadonna ‘director’ has decided at the last minute to add another 15 seconds of action to a critical fight scene. Just when we thought we had final picture lock off! What a pretentious nob. He claims it’ll make the film better. Well, all we can say is “it damn well better make it better, art-boy, or you arse is out the door!”

    This shouldn’t affect our completion date, thankfully, as audio post can continue around Tonkin’s artistic whims.

    Anyway, the film’s looking well cool. So stay tuned. Not far off now! We’ll be sure to post details of public screenings as SK2 will likely debut at an event screening before hitting the web.

    SK: WordPress iPhone App test

    Posted in News from the SK Citadel on June 3, 2009 by Tonk

    Ok so we just downloaded the WordPress app for the Citadel’s iPhone.

    So if this works then it looks like we’ll be able to post from anywhere, anytime!

    Holy crap, can you imagine the power???