Archive for October, 2008

Death Sentences: Another Hollywood Twat

Posted in Death Sentences on October 31, 2008 by Tonk

Damn, Hollywood is dumb.

And by that I don’t mean the suburb of Hollywood, (although I’m sure the concrete, soil and neon that hold that dump together contain more brain cells than most of its residents) I mean the cretinous douche-bags that manage to actually have creative input into the turgid crap that comes out of there.

Mark Millar, some no-name who made that shit-fest nobody saw called ‘Wanted’, is poncing about Hollywood trying to drum up some media interest in his treatment for a new SUPERMAN trilogy. I won’t bother trying to speak for the dude, lets hear from the idiot himself:

“It’s gonna be like Michael Corleone in the Godfather films, the entire story from beginning to end, you see where he starts, how he becomes who he becomes, and where that takes him. The Dark Knight showed you can take a comic book property and make a serious film, and I think the studios are ready to listen to bigger ideas now.”

“I want to start on Krypton, a thousand years ago, and end with Superman alone on Planet Earth, the last being left on the planet, as the yellow sun turns red and starts to supernova, and he loses his powers.”

As regular readers of this blog will know, we here at the SK Citadel are big DC Comic fans. And at the top of the DC Pantheon sits Superman. Now unfortunately, good Superman movies are few and far between. And of all the superheroes that deserve a decent film franchise, Superman must be at the top of the list. Sadly, Bryan Singer’s 2006 wank-fest Superman Returns did nothing to shore up Supes’s immediate cinema success.

Now this Millar jerk wants to a) re-tell Superman’s origin, like the whole freakin’ world doesn’t already know what it is and b) portray Superman’s whole life leading up to the end of our Earth. What a fuckwit.

Firstly, Millar, DC and Warners would NEVER let anybody show the end of Superman’s life. You get that? Nobody. Certainly not some jumped up arse-clown who has an over inflated view of his non-existent talent. Secondly, anyone who uses the Godfather as an analogy of what they want to do in a Superman movie is a pretentious twat. Superman is not a mafioso prick plotting behind others’ backs. He’s friggin’ Superman. We’re not interested in family politics and machinations. We wanna see Superman hand some planet-destroying super-villain his arse for two hours straight without pausing every two minutes for some deep, boring introspection.

The Dark Knight showed you can take a comic book property and make a serious film.

No it didn’t, douche-bag, SUPERMAN THE MOVIE did that in 1978. Unfortunately since then we’ve had fuck-tards like Joel Schumacher let loose on properties like Batman which sent the perception of Comic Book movies back 30 years. Comic book movies can always been done well. Sadly, Hollywood feels the need to screw with the source material to a point where it barely resembles the original comics in the first place. What good comic book adaptations do well is stick close to the source. I think what Dark Knight did was REMIND people that comics can provide a great source for film so long as the story is right and the producers remain faithful to the source.

What Millar has in mind, just sounds to me like another nail in the cinematic coffin of Superman.

Idiot.

Random Thoughts: Mike the Undervalued

Posted in News from the SK Citadel on October 29, 2008 by Tonk

So I was sitting in the boardroom of the SK Citadel the other day musing with a few colleagues over some of our favorite TV sitcoms. Because we were all men of taste, naturally all of our faves were British.

Inevitably, the subject of the YOUNG ONES came up.

Now it should come as no surprise to anyone whose witnessed the genius of Suburban Knights that the YOUNG ONES should be one of our favorite shows. Just about anyone with any semblance of class who has seen the show is a fan. We all love the mad rantings of Rik, the unadulterated violence of Vyv and the mind-numbingly boring ramblings of Neil.

Yet when pondering the show, the character that seems most overlooked is that of Mike the Cool Person.

Christopher Ryan, who played Mike, did not come from the same stand up comic background such as that of Rik Mayall, Adrian Edmonson, Nigel Planner or Alexei Sayle. However, in our opinion, Mike bought as much balance and wit to ensemble as the rest of the cast members. Indeed, when reflecting on the show, I think it is fair to say that Mike delivered some of our favorite one liners.

So because we had nothing better to do, we thought we’d post a few here to see if they conjure up the same fond memories for you as they did for us. Enjoy, and feel free to submit some of your favorite Mike quotes:

  • “Rik, I do not wish to suggest that your jokes are predictable, but there are as-yet undiscovered tribes in the heart of the Peruvian Jungle who knew you were gonna say that.”
  • “A guilty conscious is like a garden shed: you try to eat it and it’ll get stuck in your throat.”
  • “Rik, life is like a burnt steak: hard, tough and the chips are always stacked against it!”
  • “…so I slid down there, forged my signature and Bob’s your Aunty’s live-in lover.”
  • “If the World’s an egg, sweetheart, then I’m the Lion stamped on the side.”
  • “I know what you’re thinking, baby, and if I was to tell you, you’d think I was talking in centimetres.”
  • “Of course I’m sure! I only made it up just now!
  • “Quick! Call an ambulance…I’ve just nailed my legs to the table!”
  • And so on…

    SK2: Shootin’ Update – WRAPPED!

    Posted in News from the SK Citadel on October 19, 2008 by Tonk

    Holy Bollocks on a Stick. As I sit here on the upper deck of the SK Citadel, the final rushes from this weekend’s shoot are digitising in front of me.

    It’s been a long slog but we finally got there.

    With any luck we should have the entire episode edited at least into an ‘assembly’ form by the end of this week. One of the good things about the shoot having been so drawn out is that it has allowed us to edit the existing footage together between filming days. This has been of great benefit as it allows us to assess how the film is coming together as we shoot. And so far, so good.

    Now that the film is in the can, it is evident that there is a great deal of post-production that lay before us. Editing the episode together is one thing, but that is merely the first stage of post. Before any visual effects can be applied the film must have picture lock-off. ie: a Final Cut. Then it undergoes a picture grade which can be a lengthy process as most times the director will never be really satisfied with an initial grade (fussy bastard). As a result, the entire episode may undergo several grades.

    Once the grade is approved, we can get stuck into the visual effects. This is where most of the post-production time will be spent. SK2 will feature substantially more lightsabers than SK1. This is both a highly cool and highly stupid move on behalf of our writer/director. Cool because hey, lightsabers are cool and you can never have too many of them. Stupid because every frame of lightsaber effect must be manually rotoscoped. ie: drawn in. So our poor bastards down in the rotoscoping department sure have their work cut out for them. Ah well, they’re adults. They knew what the job entailed when they signed up for it…suckers.

    So in the meantime, keep checking your KNIGHT MOVES Blog to find out how the post-production is coming along. We hope to have the episode complete sometime in the first quarter of 2009. Trust us: it’ll be worth the wait…

    Dudes what could play HAL JORDAN

    Posted in Green Lantern Movie News by Darth Death on October 10, 2008 by Tonk

    So the previous post about the possibility of Gosling playing HAL JORDAN got me thinking: who would be a better Hal?

    Here are some quick, initial thoughts:

    1: Scott Maslen: Regular on British soaps The Bill and Eastenders. Might be kinda small but he looks just like Hal when Joe Staton used to draw him. He’s the right age too.

    2: Thomas Jane: I really digged Tom Jane in The Punisher and always thought he’d make a great Hal. Has the guns to do it.

    3: John Cena: OK so he may be a WWE numb-nut but the dude is born to play a superhero. Looks just right and may have the persona to pull it off.

    4: Jason Lewis: Andrew NDB over at thegreenlanterncorps.com suggested this dude. I’m not familiar with his work but dang it, he looks just like Hal. Might be a bit too pretty, but.

    So give me some more ideas on who would do a better job than that weed Gosling.

    Green Lantern Movie Update Part 5

    Posted in Green Lantern Movie News by Darth Death on October 10, 2008 by Tonk

    Is this HAL JORDAN?

    LATINO REVIEW has an interesting article claiming that RYAN GOSLING is the frontrunner to play HAL JORDAN in the GREEN LANTERN movie which may start filming as early as Feb 2009.

    Man, is it just me or has this film suddenly shifted into overdrive?

    A month ago it seemed a GREEN LANTERN film was a distant dream, now the monkey boys in Hollywood are gearing up to shoot!?

    Personally, Gosling does nothing for me. But at least he has the right colour hair. Dude better beef up, though. Quickly.

    SK2: Crypto-Image #10

    Posted in News from the SK Citadel on October 9, 2008 by Tonk

    Weeeiiiiirrrrrd…

    Green Lantern Movie Update Part 4

    Posted in Green Lantern Movie News by Darth Death on October 7, 2008 by Tonk

    Found this interesting tidbit on superherohype.com who pinched it from somewhere else. Man, don’t you love the internet?

    Producer Donald De Line, says the Greg Berlanti-directed Green Lantern is nearing principal photography:

    “Earlier today I caught up briefly with producer Donald De Line, who is developing the Green Lantern film, and asked him for an update. He told me that ‘a new draft of the script came in’ and they’re ‘gearing up to start shooting early spring.’ While it’s not confirmed, he added that ‘it’s coming together and I’m excited about it. Hopefully we’ll make it to start gate. We’re really close – really close.”

    Anyway, I had no idea the GREEN LANTERN Movie was this far along in development. Sounds, dang exciting. Please Warners, don’t fuck this up.