Archive for July, 2007

Skywalker kicks Potter’s arse: Proof

Posted in News from the SK Citadel on July 30, 2007 by Tonk

Ok so this is pretty dumb, but worth checking out as it proves what we already know.

This quick questionnaire puts the argument to rest. (That’s if there was ever an argument to begin with) Be sure to compare the results at the end.


Knights: Coming of The Age

Posted in The KNIGHTS on July 28, 2007 by Tonk

Death Strike

Well thanks to a favourable mention on The Age website this week, Suburban Knights viewership has gone through the roof! This past Friday our hits went up 8,000%. Yes you read that right, 8,000%. Pretty impressive, hey?

Anyway, The Knights just wanna say thanks to everyone for your positive feedback and words of encouragement. After busting our collective nuts to bring you Episode 1: The Reckoning it’s nice to know that people are actually out there watching it!

Now what would be really nice is if you could send in some cash to help us pay for all this additional bandwidth we’re having to purchase. I mean, the Citadel doesn’t pay for itself you know!

King George Strikes Back

Posted in News from the SK Citadel on July 26, 2007 by Tonk

At the Citadel we like to keep a close eye on all things Star Wars. Hey, it passes the time. Anyway, there’s a story going around the net at the moment regarding demi-god George Lucas. His Highness was spotted on the set of ‘Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skulls’ recently wearing a rather cryptic t-shirt:


If you can’t make it out, the writing on it says “Han Shot First”. Now in case you’ve been living under a rock for the last 10 years (which wouldn’t surprise me given some of the mail we get) you’ll realise that this refers to a rather controversial change that Lord George made to ‘Episode 4: A New Hope’ back in 1997 with the release of the Special Edition. Originally Han Solo shot Greedo without warning in the Cantina. But in 1997 His Excellency decided to change this scenario and inserted a different shot with Greedo actually shooting at Han first and missing. Point blank (dumb-arse Rodian). Nerds the world over were shocked as they felt this suddenly re-defined the character of Han Solo, shifting him from being a bad-ass cold blooded killer to a dick who got lucky because a piss-weak bounty hunter sitting 2 feet away couldn’t shoot straight.

In 2004 with the release of the Original Star Wars Trilogy on DVD, Master George decided to tweak the scene again, having Han and Greedo shoot at each other at the same time. Even with a second attempt Greedo missed (idiot) but at least now the scene looked cooler. Han even did a little shuffle to the right to make it look more convincing (although it just goes to show what a huge favour Solo did Jabba by off-ing that useless bug-eyed freak). Some nerds were placated. Others still hungered for GL’s blood.

Could it be that George All Mighty has finally succumbed to fan-boy pressure? Has he admitted the errors of the past by donning a bit of clothing that he knew would cause an internet maelstrom? Do we care? Personally, I could care less who shot first in the Cantina. The character of Han Solo hardly rests upon this fleeting moment within the Saga. Being inducted into a tribe of Ewoks is far more relevant to his persona. Anyway, let us know what you think of King George’s wacky choice of apparel.

Keep a lid on it

Posted in The KNIGHTS on July 26, 2007 by Tonk

We’ve been getting lots of fan mail. No really, stacks of the crap. We’ve had to knock through one of the walls of the Citadel to make room for it. And Obi Wan-Ker’s had to start sleeping in the kitchen. Anyway, the question often comes up: “So when’s ‘Suburban Knights Episode 2’ come out? Huh? When? WHEN!?”. So we thought we’d bring you up to speed. Because we’re like that. We care about our fanbase. We really do.

Bottom line is: Don’t sweat. It’s going through the writing stage now. Unfortunately our writer is such a fussy and particular creative savant that it could take anywhere between 5 minutes and 37 years before he’s finished. Talented bastard. Anyway, rest assured, its coming. We want to do the right thing by Death and Wan-Ker and that means putting together a script that is top notch. Top NOTCH. And not the Kindergarten standard rubbish we dished out for Episode 1.

Knights Own the Globe

Posted in The KNIGHTS on July 24, 2007 by Tonk

Yeah, we know you think we’re brilliant, but in case you needed any further evidence, here are some quotes regarding SK: Episode One from around the World:

Hey, that is probably the coolest thing I’ve ever seen with my eyes. And that includes the low flying chinook helicopter I saw at the weekend! Lightsabers + copious swearing in Aussie accents = justice
Plus, I love the psy-trance soundtrack! It momentarily made me forget the bad news that Pepper’s burgers has closed down

That is utterly, utterly brilliant

Utterly awesome! Looks like you guys are having lots of fun back home in Aus…. and makes my day of waiting in for the plumber to fix my kitchen tap seem quite dull. Looking forward to the next episode!
….Nicola xx

I was looking for ‘Girls Gone Wild XII’ but came across this instead. You guys are some sick-ass Mothers. You rock!!!!

Wan-Ker’s Rant: Part 0

Posted in Wan-Ker's Rant on July 19, 2007 by Tonk

Coming soon: Obi Wan-Ker vents his spleen on all things that piss him off.


What’s the point, freaks?

Posted in The KNIGHTS on July 19, 2007 by Tonk

Death here again. OK so many of you have already started to pose the inevitable question:

“Why the Hell do the Knights need a blog? I mean aren’t they too cool for that?”

Short answer is yes. We are too cool. Well at least I am. Obi Wan-Ker is a complete nerd. But the sad fact is that this is the best way that we can get our views out to you on a regular and simple basis.

This is where we will be doing all sorts of whacky and zany things like posting reviews, adding social commentary and engaging in cutting-edge, no holds barred, cerebral tug-of-wars with our globe-spanning fan base.

So be sure to check back here on a daily basis. Or I’ll cut each and everyone of you a new one.